


Gift Exchange

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 15:28:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4105903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Eve simply had too much free time on her hands as far as Q was concerned. The fact that a large scale meeting was called which everyone was forced to attend so the woman could announce her latest and brightest idea so far that turned out to be a Secret Santa affair only served to further solidify that opinion.</p><p>Sort of based on a tumblr prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gift Exchange

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt was : "our school is doing a secret-Santa and i got you au" by the lovely broomstiks. 
> 
> And who cares is summer? I promise to write one about Q getting a sunburn and sunstroke and needed James to take care of him in the middle of winter. 
> 
> As usual, please forgive any and all mistakes.

Sometimes Eve simply had too much free time on her hands as far as Q was concerned. The fact that a large scale meeting was called which everyone was forced to attend so the woman could announce her latest and brightest idea so far that turned out to be a Secret Santa affair only served to further solidify that opinion.

 

And he wasn’t the only one with a sour face at the meeting, agent James Bond with the designated code name of 007 wearing a sour face that rivalled his. “Bloody hell, I thought the Queen’s life was in danger.” He grumbled and kicked the table.

 

Q chuckled, pulling out his phone to hack something just for the fun of it and to make time fly by faster. Why the hell the woman though she needed to bring slide shows to explain how the bloody Secret Santa thing worked was beyond him. “I am sure the lady you probably left in a hotel somewhere will only find it hotter and more exciting when you told her that duty called.”

 

“Why do you assume that I’m always with a woman, Quartermaster?” He snagged the phone away from the young man, aware that he couldn’t really protest without attract attention to himself. “I hope you are working on an exploding pen via a futuristic AI for me and not actually trying to enter the BBC network.” He slapped the young man’s hands away, closing the phone and placing it in his pocket. “Leave that with me until everything is over. I wouldn’t want to find myself sent on a mission to bring you down. You know how the Royal House feels about that station.”

 

A loud cough interrupted Q from saying whatever comeback he had prepared for his most troublesome – and yet still his most adored – agent and Bond smiled sheepishly at the offended Eve while Q looked embarrassed.

 

Oh and how good the young man looked with just a bit of red covered his cheeks and it made James want to grab the man and slam him on the table and have his way right then and there in front of everyone. That would also make it clear to the little boffins and younger agents who had yet to understand 007’s subtle gestures when it came to Q.

 

Other MI6 personnel understood what it meant when agent Bond offered to help someone with their things, walking after them like a dangerous Doberman with a wolfish grin and allowing them to chew him out for whatever reason. They also knew what it meant when the man tried his best to brew someone their tea, grabbing the minion that was usually in charge of the Quartermaster’s mug and bribing him into helping him and they were all very worried.

 

All except for Alec who poked fun at his best friend for his crush, making kissy faces if he saw him in the hallway with the younger man and annoying him by sitting just a bit too close to Q when he was being fitted if James was present.

 

“Tell me, Bond…” Q started, bringing James out of his daydreams of hanging Alec by his balls the next time he _accidentally_ brushed his hand against the young man’s ass. “Is there any possible thing to do something to punish Miss Moneypenny for wasting my valuable time and giving you blue balls?”

 

“Aw, Quartermaster… I didn’t know you thought about my balls. Let me assure you that my mind is also on your—“A light stinging sensation in his neck suddenly rendered him speechless and motionless, but he did see with the corner of his eyes the young man brushing the rim of his glasses. Of course he’d manage to weaponize those as well, bloody wonderful genius that he was.

 

“Don’t worry Bond. You will regain your senses within five to ten minutes.” A box with horrible Christmas decorations was pushed in their direction and Q wrote both of their names on pieces of papers that were in the shape of snowmen. “I’m surprised we weren’t given pens shaped like candy canes to write our bloody names. I think Miss Moneypenny has some deep seeded issues with this holyday.”

 

James would nod in agreement if only he could get his neck muscles to cooperate with his brain. The glasses seemed like a wonderful weapon and he would have to remember to ask Q to give him a similar gadget for his next mission. Although he might get rejected and thrown out of Q Branch since there was a report waiting on the Quartermaster’s desk which informed him that absolutely no piece of Bond’s latest equipment could be salvaged.

 

“Would you terribly mind if I take my phone back? Don’t worry about answering me; just breathe if you have nothing against it.” Q smiled and patted James’ leg, thin fingers slipping in his pants’ pocket to retrieve the device and the agent looked up just in time to see Alec giving him thumbs up and smiling like a lunatic. “Thank you so very much, Bond.”

 

Q returned to his hacking, eyes twinkling with joy and mischief. James wondered just what the BBC did to the man to annoy him so, but still enjoyed how childishly happy he was with what he was doing and remained still and silent even after the effects of whatever Q had shot him with had worn off.

 

The horrible looking box was in front of them and Eve was still busy with tormenting the others with pictures of office workers posing happily for their cameras with the flimsy and cheap gifts they got.

 

He watched as Q’s hand disappeared in the box and pulled a piece of paper, the name on which brought a little worried frown on his face. “Interesting… Will be cutting it quite close, but doable.” The little note disappeared somewhere in Q’s cardigan and the man turned his attention to James, one elegant and surely plucked eyebrow raised.

 

James had hoped to get a paper with just a single letter, but it seemed like Lady Luck was still pretty pissed with him and instead he pulled the name of a woman. “Maryann from Accounting,” he said with clear disappointment, showing Q the piece of paper.

 

The young man clicked his tongue and chuckled, looking in the direction of a blonde woman with a generous cleavage who kept trying to get James’ attention. “Well, I’d say you just made her holyday, Bond. Do try not to give her something that will require a visit to the gynaecologist.”

 

As if he’d sleep with anyone without using protection. “I’m clean and sadly for her, she’ll only get nice jewellery from me because my heart is held hostage by a certain boffin.” He turned the wink at Q and was surprised at the harsh glare he was getting while the man’s lips had turned into a thin line.

 

“Keep away from my minions, Bond.” The tone the man used was one James hadn’t heard before, not even when he returned with nothing but the emblem of an Aston Martin Q had spent three months tuning. “Because if any one of them shows up to work with red eyes and I find out you’re to blame for it, you will have to fear whenever you are even near something that’s electronic and with an internet connection.”

 

The meeting ended just then and Q was on his feet and surrounded by his trusty minions instantly, the men and women pushing James away from him and drowning out his attempts at an explanation as to who the boffin was.

 

“Q, it’s you. You’re the boffin I…Damn it.” James kicked the table hard, startling a few people.

 

“Don’t tell me he wasn’t happy with what he found in your pants.” Alec chuckled, dodging just in time to avoid getting hit in the face. “Wow, someone has serious anger issues. My friend, I think you should go shoot something before you pop a vein.”

 

***

 

James was unfortunate enough to get himself assigned on a mission only thirty minutes after the meeting had ended, thus stopping him from cornering Q somewhere and coming clean – he wouldn’t do something childish as confessing over the coms and putting the quartermaster in a very awkward position, especially since this time James wanted to be done with the mission as fast as possible.

 

Even with acting like a professional double oh agent for the first time in years, it still took James two weeks to complete the mission and he was flown back in London on the day the Secret Santa party was supposed to take place.

 

He was lucky enough that most shopkeepers loved how much he spent on gifts for women and all it took was a phone call to one of them to have the man open up show on Christmas Eve just for him for which James showed his appreciation by giving him a tip that was twice what he had spent on the gift.

 

The party itself was nothing special as far as James and the other double oh agents were concerned since they usually spent more than half of their missions pretending to be rich bastards and rubbing elbows with the elite of the underworld at fancy parties, but the people working in other departments were mesmerized by the whole thing – and yes, that included Q.

 

The young man did his best not to look amazed, but James noticed how wide his green eyes were and how his mouth parted a bit when he looked up at the decorations when he thought no one was watching him. He also kept looking back and forth between himself and how the double oh agents were dressed, tugging on his little bowtie.

 

Q continued to be beyond cute when he tried to sneak to the gift table unnoticed by anyone and stuffed a little rectangle box covered in blue paper between the other boxes. He made sure that his gift was covered by other boxes before quickly moving into the exact opposite corner of his room where he promptly got surrounded by his minions who gave him a plate full of the sweets they had deemed worthy to touch his tongue.

 

“Try not to drown everyone in your drool, James.” Eve said from right behind the agent, giving him a glass of champagne.

 

They got the expensive stuff, good. “Miss Moneypenny, the reason for this year’s Christmas feelings. I would complain, but it is thanks to you that I get to see Q all dressed up, even if it is in the cheapest suit I have ever seen.”

 

Eve made a little humming noise before turning to smile at James. “So, what did you get him?” Her smile turned into confusion at James’ sour face. “Come on Bond, I’m sure he’ll like it unless you pulled an Alec and got him a sex toy.”

 

“I didn’t get him. I got Maryann from accounting.” He finished the drink in one go and grabbed a new glass, also drinking it before the waiter could even take a step. “And I didn’t have time to find out who got him and convince them to switch with me.”

 

“But that’s impossible! I made it so that…Alec!” She slammed the glass on the table and excused herself, giving chase to the other double oh agent who broke into a run at the sight of the angry woman. “We’re going to need a new 006 by the time I am done with you!”

 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the whole scene, M rubbing her temples while Tanner quickly turned out the microphone and tried to redirect everyone’s attention away from the two. “Right, okay, I think we’re all eager to see what we got so let’s not prolong wait anymore.” He quickly walked to the pile of gifts and started to read out the names off the tags, everyone applauding.

 

James made no secret that he had been Maryann’s Santa, walking over to the woman and kissing her hand before asking her to dance with him. He was gentleman enough not to get her hopes up, explaining to her that he was interested in someone else but that she was so beautiful, she would have no problem finding someone that was worthy of her.

 

“Commander James Bond, come on up to get your gift.” Tanner called and James’ face broke into a huge grin when he realized that the little box Q got was from him. He kissed the woman’s hands again and ran to the podium, quickly grabbing his gift.

 

He noticed that Q’s green eyes were glued to him, watching him closely as he tried not to rip the packaging completely. When he opened the dark navy velvet box, he found seven fountain pens which he instantly knew they were the exploding kind.

 

James made his way over to the table where Q was and sat down next to him, carefully placing the precious box on the table. “I will be careful with how I use them, Quartermaster,” the agent promised, leaning close to the man to kiss his cheeks despite the shocked looks he received from the people around them. He sometimes loved Eastern Europe and their customs.

 

Q grabbed a pen and twisted the cap once and then clicked on it, the fast beeping sound that came from the pen instantly sending everyone but James under the table. “One click means it will explode in thirty seconds.” He twisted the cap again and the pen fell silent. “Click on it twice and it will explode in twenty seconds and three times if you want it to go off in ten seconds.” He put that one in James’ pocket, patting his chest.

 

James rested his hand on top of his to keep him from moving away, wanting to enjoy the heat he gave off just for a few more minutes. “I thought your department didn’t go for these kinds of things anymore, Q.”

 

“My department doesn’t, but I am allowed to do whatever I want in my time off.” He licked his lips and moved closer to James, getting distracted by Tanner calling his name. “Excuse me.”

 

“Well, Quartermaster, it would seem that this huge box is yours.” The man cleared his throat and looked around the room for a fuming Eve who had Alec in a headlock. “I was sure we had a fifty quid cap on the whole affair, but…” A nervous laughter escaped his throat and turned back his attention to Q who was circling the box, James instantly appearing in front of him and acting as his shield, hand reaching for something in his pocket.

 

Tanner wanted to mock the agent for being so jumpy when it came to Q, but then a loud noise came from the box as something bursted out of it. When a robotic voice shouted something about exterminating, all agents took out their weapons and pointed them at the thing and James threw something from his pocket, quickly turning around and wrapping his arms around the young man to shield him.

 

People screamed and security was quick to throw themselves at M, James ignoring the stinging of his back in favour of patting Q down and making sure that the man didn’t have even a scratch on him. He could see the man’s lips moving, his frown deepening as he started to shake the agent, but the ringing in his ears was making it impossible for him to get anything the young man was saying.

 

When Q showed him his hands covered in blood, James panicked and started shouting for medical to get over there because the bloody quartermaster was hurt and Q quickly shook his head, using sign language to tell Bond that it was his blood. He tried to sign something else, but his hands were shaking so hard that James couldn’t understand so he simply took them in his and kissed the tips of the fingers, shocking Q still.

 

“You’ll tell me in medical,” he shouted and allowed the medical team to take him away, turning around to shout at Alec who was already next to the young man. “Make sure no one attempts to kill him again!”

 

His hearing returned to him fifteen minutes later and by then he was sitting on his stomach, back bandaged up and M tapping her foot right next to his bed. “And I was happy that you didn’t blow up anything and returned to us in one piece after your latest mission, Bond. But you are allergic to not causing any damage, aren’t you?”

 

“I’m sure you have insurance that covers any sort of damage us double ohs do to your precious building, M.” He tried to get up but the woman rested her hand against his back to keep him in bed. “I need to get to Q and make sure he’s out of danger.”

 

“He wasn’t in danger to begin with,” she explained, smacking him upside the head. “You bloody idiot.” The door opened and Alec walked in closely followed by Q, the agent shielding the quartermaster from the woman’s glare. “I’ll talk with you later about your gift, Quartermaster. And don’t even bother to pretend you weren’t the reason why this wanker had an exploding pen on him.”

 

Alec made sure to continue to shield Q as M walked by them, the woman barely managing to hold back from groaning and throwing her hands up in the air in pure exasperation. She was still not sure if she should be happy the two agents were such good friends or cuss the living hell out of the day they met and bonded so well over blowing up a satellite together.

 

“James, you ruined my gift to Q.” Alec instantly started to whine, Q walking around him to glare at James in a feeble attempt to hide his obvious worry. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to get them to deliver the blasted thing so fast.”

 

“If you would have told me beforehand that _you_ were his Secret Santa and that you got him a killer robot, I wouldn’t have assumed someone was trying to eliminate him and I also wouldn't have wasted one of the precious pens he made just for me.” He grabbed Q’s hands just to be sure that they really weren’t wounded, afraid that shrapnel might have embedded itself in his fingers.

 

“Stop fretting over me, James. I am quite alright.” He pulled his hands away and hid them behind his back after James was done covering them in small kisses, looking at the agent like he grown another head. “Just how much did you have to drink tonight, agent? Or did they pump you up with so many pain killers that you are confusing me with a certain young lady from accounting?”

 

James glanced at Alec and the other man instantly vanished from the room, giving the two their privacy. “Q, I assure you that you are unmistakable to me, no matter how drunk or drugged on medicine I am.” He lightly bit Q’s hand to get the other man’s attention back on him.

 

“Bond, are you sure you’re alright? Let me get a nurse in here to check you again.” When he leaned over the older man to grab the remote, James flipped himself on his back, groaning in pain and quickly wrapping his arms around Q to keep him from bolting. “Please listen to me and don’t struggle, it already hurts a lot.”

 

Of course, Q could simply ignore him, knee him in the stomach and jump off of him, quickly calling security and then report him to M, but due to a probable Christmas miracle, the man simply nodded and rested his head on James’ shoulder, looking up at him with curious green eyes.

 

“I like you.” He said simply, for once unable to think of an overly romantic and sappy way to express himself – he blamed the medicine for that.

 

Q lightly patted his cheek. “And I like you some of the times as well, James. Tolerate you the rest of them. Now are you done hurting yourself more? Can I get off of you before someone like Miss Moneypenny walks in and the all of London thinks I’m taking advantage of a wounded agent?”

 

Actions do speak louder than words, Bond decided, and pushed two fingers under Q’s chin to get easier access to those red lips. The kiss was awkward at first and James expected to feel that skinny knee connect with a part of him soon, but let out a little noise of surprise when he felt the younger man’s tongue brush against his lips. "You're that boffin I was telling you about two weeks ago, the one who has my heart." he bit Q's lips when the man snorted, hand sneaking under his shirt and pinching his nipple as a punishment for laughing at his less than elegant confession.

 

When he simply couldn’t take the pain anymore, he broke the kiss and flipped over to bring Q under him. He watched the man lick his swollen lips and look up at him with half lidded eyes, grunting and rubbing against him. “Alec is watching the door, so we won’t be interrupted.”

 

The world started to spin really fast and he fell face first into Q’s chest, the man easily moving his hands around his head and patting him. “Sorry to have to break it to you, James, but you won’t be doing anything much but sleep tonight.” He kissed the top of his head and wiggled out from under him. “But we’ll discuss this over lunch as soon as Medical deems you fit to wreak havoc again.”

 

Before leaving, Q made sure that James was covered by a blanket and that the morphine setting was on max, letting the man kiss his fingers again. “And you owe me a bloody Dalek, James.”

 


End file.
